


dr o    p  pp   e        ddd.

by BigBoyParty



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety Attacks, Bang Chan & Hyunjin & Jisung are Siblings, Changbin and Jisung milk a goat, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Drug Use, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Goat Farm, LSD, M/M, Marijuana, Psychological Horror, Rape, Sexual Abuse, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigBoyParty/pseuds/BigBoyParty
Summary: This was Hyunjin’s world. Yeah, Chan and Jisung lived there too, but it was easy to see why Hyunjin was the so-called “golden boy.” He looked like a caricature of the type of person who might live in a house like this, with its sloping lawns, thick woods at the edges, and scattering of weird little sculptures all throughout.“I guess I can’t kiss you with this on my tongue huh,” Changbin commented. Cheesy and out of place, but it made Hyunjin’s pristine features wrinkle into the most beautiful smile,“No, you can’t.”-Changbin visits his boyfriend Hyunjin's idyllic family estate and the lovers drop acid under the supervision of Hyunjin's two brothers, Jisung and Chan. Over the course of the day, it becomes clear that something much darker is hiding within Hyunjin's seemingly perfect family.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 31
Kudos: 187





	dr o    p  pp   e        ddd.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, in case you missed the tags: this fic contains scenes of rape, sexual abuse, and sibling incest. Please do not feel pressured to read if you are sensitive to this, or if you are uncomfortable with depictions of drinking and heavy recreational drug use. I do not condone any of the actions which occur in this fic, it is supposed to be horrific. I hope you enjoy.

Hyunjin stretched out on the lawn.

“So, how’d I do?”

His chest sunk in when he sighed. It always had a little dip to it. Sometimes he thought it made him off-kilter and sexy, but it was a pretty minor claim to being special. He passed his joint into the hand of the man sitting next to him, rolling suddenly, pinning Changbin to the grass and kissing him. Changbin gave a startled little moan against his lips.

“You did good.” Hyunjin traced his hands down Changbin’s neck and gorgeous, muscular chest, “You did so good. They loved you.”

Changbin laughed, “You seem weirdly horny for someone talking about their family.”

Hyunjin smiled and rolled his eyes, snatching the joint back and taking a long pull, grinding a little on Changbin’s lap when he dropped his head back and exhaled into the stars. “Get your mind out of the gutter,” he tucked a few strands of blonde hair behind his ear, “Creep.”

“Oh I’m the creep?” 

Hyunjin giggled, then coughed, smoke coming out of his nose. “Yes,” he kissed Changbin’s cute nose, “You’re the creep.”

“Mm. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Hyunjin kissed Changbin again, then again, enticing the elder to sit up a little so he could pull his shirt off and show all the fireflies his pretty new boyfriend. “What if I get ticks?” Changbin murmured, though there wasn’t much force behind his whining as he watched Hyunjin undress.

“Then you get ticks,” Hyunjin flicked his roach into the grass and shoved Changbin onto his back, “Now fuck me already.”

Hyunjin rode Changbin outside, in front of the barn, with his family sleeping inside. He sucked on Changbin’s fingertips and swiveled his hips and all the fireflies watched.

In the morning, Hyunjin massaged Changbin’s neck at the table. Hyunjin’s whole family ate breakfast together, with their hair all ruffled up from sleep. They chatted casually, Hyunjin’s mother asking Changbin all kinds of questions about his studies, where he worked, and telling those embarrassing stories everyone has about their kids.

“Yeah, Hyunjin is our golden boy, right?”

“Momm, stop,” Hyunjin groaned, digging his thumbs into Changbin’s spine.

Hyunjin had two brothers: Jisung and Chan. Jisung looked like he wanted to pop out of existence. He would wince every time Changbin’s fork scraped his plate, his legs crossed underneath him and his sweatshirt hood pulled up so he nearly disappeared inside of it. For no reason in particular, Changbin smiled and waved at him at one point in the meal. Jisung blinked and stared at him for a few moments, before continuing to eat his pancakes.

“Did you miss me,” Chan spoke up, leaning back in his seat, “college boy?”

“Of course.” Hyunjin patted the back of Changbin’s neck and returned to his chair at the table, in between Changbin and Chan. He took Chan’s hand in both of his own and massaged it between the knuckles. Jisung coughed into a napkin, breaking the silence which had started to well up strangely in Changbin’s stomach.

“Mm,” Chan squeezed Hyunjin’s delicate fingers, releasing his hand and returning to his breakfast, “You boys are here for the weekend right?”

“Yeah, we go back on Monday.” Changbin wondered why Chan wouldn’t look at him when he responded.

“You ever done acid?”

Changbin was startled by how Hyunjin lit up, his whole body straightening in his seat as he shot Changbin a wild smile, “Oh my god, Changbin, we Have to! This is the perfect opportunity!”

“I don't know...” Why was Hyunjin’s family so relaxed about this? Changbin hadn’t done acid before. He honestly hadn’t wanted to for a while, but after meeting Hyunjin, who spent a weekend every semester out of his mind, he decided he’d give it a shot if he was in the right setting. Somewhere safe, quiet, with someone sober to watch over and keep them safe. Changbin wondered if this was some kind of test. “I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of your family.”

“Oh come on!” Chan slammed his coffee mug on the table. Eggs sizzled in the pan. “Let loose a little, college boy. Jisung and I will both be here sober, we can make sure nothing happens to you. Besides, Mom and Dad have to go to work.”

“Just try it,” Hyunjin smiled, “I know you can handle it, you’re tough.”

Eventually Changbin shrugged and agreed. 

After breakfast, and after getting dressed, Changbin and Hyunjin sat out on the lawn with Hyunjin’s brothers. Admittedly, it was a beautiful home. Hyunjin’s family had sprawling vegetable gardens and a little pen of goats. They had one tiny dog, desperate to hump anything that moved, and a few reticent cats.

Hyunjin leaned on Changbin’s shoulder, watching his brother Jisung roll a joint with shaky hands. “Are you excited?” Hyunjin asked, squeezing Changbin’s side.

“I’m a little scared,” Changbin admitted, “But I think it will be fun.”

“Here,” Jisung held the joint out, nestled in his palm like a little white worm, “Smoke this before you drop, it’ll put you in a good mood,” Jisung almost smiled, “I don't need any. That way you’ll have someone sober to come to if you freak out.”

“Thanks.”

Changbin, Chan, and Hyunjin passed the joint around. It was a nice day out, mist rising cool off the lawn before the sun got too high in the sky. Early fall. As Changbin smoked, it only seemed to get more beautiful. Their old barn, the one no one went in, looked like some multicolored spectacle, peels of red paint flexing away from dark, rotting wood. There were little clumps of lichen and moss along the sides, as if the barn was going back into the earth. A goat bleated

Changbin turned to the garden and wondered what would happen if he watched the sunflowers long enough. Maybe he could see them turning their faces to the light.

“How are you feeling?” Hyunjin cooed, his lips on Changbin’s neck slowly pulling him up from the well of his thoughts. 

“Good.”

“Yeah?” Hyunjin pressed his cool hand to Changbin’s cheek and turned his face so they could make eye contact. Changbin smiled. Hyunjin was so pretty, his blond hair tied back in half a little pony tail and a couple tiny braids. Hyunjin kissed him, “It’s going to be beautiful, Changbin. It’s going to be so beautiful.”

“Alright, so here’s what to expect:” Chan had the tone of a drill sergeant, or at least someone who wishes they were one. He stood there, in his basketball shorts and ill-fitting t-shirt, explaining exactly what to do. They’d leave the tab on their tongues for a while, careful not to swallow it, and even after that it wouldn’t kick in at first. It would take a few hours, and the trip would be a full day. Changbin already knew most of this from seeing Hyunjin high at school, but he supposed it was comforting to hear it again.

And then Chan passed them the tabs, and they dropped. Changbin almost laughed at himself for thinking that: “dropped,” like he had done this before. Like this was his world.

This was Hyunjin’s world. Yeah, Chan and Jisung lived there too, but it was easy to see why Hyunjin was the so-called “golden boy.” He looked like a caricature of the type of person who might live in a house like this, with its sloping lawns, thick woods at the edges, and scattering of weird little sculptures all throughout. Hyunjin’s hair was long and blonde, dark at the roots in that frustratingly intentional-looking way. He wore little earrings and thin gold bracelets and flowing dark pants, a colorful silky robe falling off one shoulder like he had placed it there on purpose.

“I guess I can’t kiss you with this on my tongue huh,” Changbin commented. Cheesy and out of place, but it made Hyunjin’s pristine features wrinkle into the most beautiful smile,

“No, you can’t.”

Instead, Hyunjin and Changbin took a walk. Hyunjin announced their plans loudly to his brothers, who had started watching some shitty slasher movie on Jisung’s laptop.

“You ever seen Faces of Death?” Chan asked, looking up briefly and staring right at Changbin. Thankfully Hyunjin grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulders and piloted him away,

“No, he’s never seen Faces of Death, and you’re not showing my new boyfriend some shitty gore movie the first time he ever does acid!” Hyunjin called over his shoulder, “We’re going to take a walk.”

“Have fun.” Onscreen, someone took a mallet to a screaming monkey’s head.

As they walked, the sun rose higher in the sky, burning off the mist all around them. Changbin swore the place only got more beautiful, and with every step in the damp grass, he sunk deeper into scrutinizing his own thoughts. Was it hitting yet? Had it been on his tongue long enough? Was the sunlight always this yellow? He bristled all over.

Again, it took Hyunjin’s touch to bring him out of his own mind.

“You’re getting awfully quiet,” Hyunjin kissed Changbin’s cheek. His lips were soft and warm, “You aren’t thinking too hard are you? It’s always more fun when you focus on the sensations.”

Changbin laughed. Hyunjin was always such an expert about things that didn’t matter. He wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, “Yeah? What sensations should I be focusing on?”

“Any of them. You could focus on the smells. Take a deep breath.” Changbin did. It smelled like wet grass, remnants of weed from their clothing or maybe wafting over from where Chan was continuing to smoke, and perfume. Hyunjin always wore this gratingly floral perfume. For some reason, it turned Changbin on.

“Orr, you could focus on how the air feels on your skin. The sun.” Hyunjin gently waved one arm through the air as he spoke, fingertips grazing the tops of waist-high grass to either side of them, “Do you want to do something really fun?”

Changbin smiled, “Of course.”

And with a cackle, Hyunjin took off running. Full-speed ahead, letting out a scream behind him on the way. Changbin took off after him. They ran in the way you can only run when you have a lot of open space, sprinting at full speed and without any real direction. When they passed through the part of the lawn with clumps of tall grass, they turned and kept running. Hyunjin and Changbin weaved in between the garden and the little pen of goats. They ran a circle around Hyunjin’s brothers, tucked and rolled down the side of the hill only to stand up at the foot of the barn and keep running. Hyunjin’s tiny dog barked and sprinted after them, but couldn’t keep up, and soon they were alone in the woods.

Hyunjin cheered and laughed as Changbin doubled over, his hands on his knees. “You’re fucking crazy,” Changbin coughed. Hyunjin just giggled, grabbing Changbin by his shirt unil Hyunjin’s silk robe was pressed back against a wide tree behind him and Changbin’s breath was on his face.

“Swallow your tab and kiss me,” Hyunjin ordered, and Changbin was quick to comply.

Hyunjin was, as he so fondly liked to call it, “in touch with his femininity.” He really didn’t need to talk about it so much, anyone who saw his long blonde hair, jewelry, and flowing outfits could have guessed that Hyunjin was not exactly masculine. What they wouldn’t have guessed, however, is that Hyunjin was fucking hung. Changbin loved this about him. 

His hands fit comfortably on the side of Hyunjin’s waist, running up underneath his robe and feeling his warm skin. It wasn’t cold out, but it was certainly too cool for the outfit Hyunjin had whipped out today. Changbin could feel the younger’s goosebumps and smiled against his lips. “Cold?” Changbin murmured, his thumb brushing past the edge of Hyunjin’s belly button as he searched for the little knot holding the front of his robe together. Hyunjin let out a low breath and pressed against Changbin’s hip. 

It should have been illegal for Hyunjin to wear pants as loose and thin as the ones he was wearing right now.

Changbin pressed his hand against the front of them, feeling Hyunjin growing harder by the second, craning his neck to press his lips against Hyunjin’s throat, leaving a dark bruise in his path. Every time Hyunjin and Changbin were together it was like they were teenagers again. They couldn’t keep their hands off of eachother, Hyunjin groaning and squeezing at Changbin’s back. Changbin teased Hyunjin’s nipple with one hand and his crotch with the other, and the two boys made out until it seemed like their bodies were becoming liquid and flowing into each other. They oozed down each other’s legs like the blobs inside a lava lamp or broken egg yolks. Changbin was thirsty and hungry and his mind was full of Hyunjin’s infuriating smell.

By the time Changbin came, soiling the inside of his underwear, he had already become deeply invested in the texture of the bark behind Hyunjin’s head. “How are you feeling?” Hyunjin murmured, his lips brushing Changbin’s ear and his arms wrapping tight around his boyfriend’s body.

“I think I’m feeling something.”

“Good.” Changbin could hear the ants in the grass, and felt the wet trail of Hyunjin’s lips along his neck when he pulled away. He held Hyunjin’s face between his hands and looked over him. His skin rippling with goosebumps, his playful ribs, and the screaming oranges and teals of his silky robe. Hyunjin’s bruises looked like dark holes in his skin. Changbin traced his fingertips over them, then over Hyunjin’s warm lips. “You’re the most beautiful thing in the world,” Changbin mumbled. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to smile or to cry.

“I’m not a thing,” Hyunjin responded with a smile. He tied his robe shut again and kissed Changbin’s cheek, “Let’s go see what my brothers are doing.”

Changbin nodded and smiled and let Hyunjin take his hand, guiding him back out of the woods. The two boys traveled with their eyes wide and black, like aliens. Changbin watched the grass dancing underneath them.

“Oh wow, look at you,” Chan commented as soon as he saw Hyunjin and Changbin approaching, “You two have fun out there?” Chan’s eyes were red beams directed right at Hyunjin, scanning over his brother’s body and the hickies on his neck.

“Of course,” Hyunjin smiled, pulling Changbin’s arm around his waist and reaching up with one hand to kiss him again. Kiss him where everyone was watching. Chan licked his lips. Jisung flipped the straw up on his water bottle and took a couple nervous sips.

“Are you still watching that movie?” Changbin asked, and Chan’s smile turned to him.

“Yeah. It’s almost over. You wanna see?” Changbin watched briefly. Some doctor character was sitting at a desk, talking over the nature of death. Just as he was coming to understand what was going on, Hyunjin’s cold hands covered his eyes. Hyunjin’s breath warmed the back of his neck, shivering him.

“Not right now, Changbin. We can watch shitty old horror movies when you’re sober.”

Changbin wanted to press back against Hyunjin’s body, but he was still hanging onto some small part of his mind that told him not to, so he just nodded and peeled Hyunjin’s palm from his face.

“Let’s go look at the goats,” Hyunjin said with a smile, kissing Changbin’s jaw and turning him around, their fingers sliding apart as he frolicked off across the law.

Hyunjin’s robe was a little uneven, his blonde hair startlingly yellow against the hickies on his neck. He was smiling, spinning once, and when he danced all the grass seemed to dance with him. Hyunjin dropped to one knee and held both his arms up, gesturing to the goats.

Changbin laughed and ran after him, colliding together when he got there.

“Goats,” Hyunjin commented, standing with one hand on the fence which surrounded their enclosure. There were 5 of them, some younger than others, making little bleating sounds and climbing over a wooden structure at the center of their pen. Changbin was happy to watch them milling about, sometimes knocking their horns together, but never doing anything too shocking. The world turned to soup around them.

One young goat ascended the platform and stared at Changbin. It shook its black head once, scaring off a fly, and blinked. Changbin blinked back and watched as, slowly, the white spot between the goat’s horns became a third eye. Lids sprouted from the hair, then a big yellow iris with a horizontal pupil. Changbin couldn’t blink the image away. The goat’s tiny tail flicked.

“What are they saying to you?” Hyunjin asked after a while, his face pressed up against the fence. Changbin turned, and Hyunjin had a third eye too, and horizontal pupils. Hyunjin smiled. He had thousands of earrings on, all flashing in the afternoon light. 

“I’m not sure yet.”

Changbin watched the goats some more. He watched the goat in the center descend its throne and pace elegantly around the perimeter of the fence. At one corner, it found a discarded bag of chips. Its ears were golden and it buried its face in the bag. 

Changbin smiled. “It likes chips,” he commented.

“Everyone likes chips.” Hyunjin had thousands of teeth. His smile was too wide, but he was still beautiful. Changbin didn’t know how he managed it.

The goat pawed at the bag with one hoof. The grass swayed and sang with gentle colors. Yellows and pinks. Changbin knew they weren’t grass colors, but those were the colors he was seeing right now, and who was he to determine what color the grass should be? Everything was grass colors. Everyone likes chips.

“You know what else everyone likes?” Hyunjin blinked and licked his lips.

“What?”

“Meee.” With that, Hyunjin released the fence and flopped onto his back with a giggle, “Everyone wants to have sex with me.”

“You’re vain.” It was true.

“I’m desirable.” This was also true. Hyunjin sighed and stared at the sky for a while, watching the clouds wiggle by, “Even my brother wants to have sex with me.”

Changbin swallowed. The three-eyed goat pulled his face from the potato chip bag it had been inspecting and ambled on up to the fence, peering out at Changbin with its strange horizontal eyes. Changbin put his hand flat against the fence and the goat left a wet dot on his palm with its nose. Changbin pulled his hand away and stared at his palm, where the coolness had become a big blue dot. “Which brother?” Changbin asked, moving his hand and watching the blue circle flash.

“Chan...” Hyunjin sighed, “Come look at the clouds with me.”

So Changbin flopped onto his back beside Hyunjin. The sky was beautiful today. It rolled by in shades of purple and pink and blue. The clouds sang quietly. “That’s so fucking weird,” Changbin laughed. He let his head fall to one side and stared at Hyunjin, “Your brother?”

“Hey!” Hyunjin giggled and chewed on his bottom lip. His hands fiddled with his robe. “I want to take my clothes off.”

“Why?”

“Why not?” Hyunjin sat up, pulling the tie on his robe and letting it fall open, “It’s just a body.” Hyunjin smiled his thousand tooth smile and squatted, pulling down his pants.

“You’re tripping.”

“Yeah, you are too.” Hyunjin tapped Changbin’s shoulder with the ball of his foot, “How do I look?”

Hyunjin looked enormous. He towered over Changbin, combing some fingers through his blond hair, posing dramatically. “You look like a god,” Changbin responded, and it must have been just what Hyunjin wanted to hear. Hyunjin laughed and posed again, his knees in, one hand resting just below his clavicle while the other hid his dick.

“Yeah?” Hyunjin tossed his hair, “Do I look like Aphrodite?” Hyunjin laughed again and Changbin watched his body leave trails in the air as he moved, pressing one foot flat on Changbin’s chest. Changbin’s heart was beating fast. Hyunjin’s foot moved up a little, pressing harder. Changbin wondered how easy it would be for Hyunjin to crack his ribs. Hyunjin’s eyes were black and strange.

They stayed still like that for moments, the world twisting and warping around them. Changbin’s mouth was dry and his body was crawling all over. Hyunjin’s lips moved but Changbin couldn’t hear what he was saying, just this low steady beat. Hyunjin’s foot ran up his chest and there was a beat. Hyunjin stepped on his neck and there was a beat. 

Changbin was an ant and Hyunjin was a giant, pressing him into the earth.

Until Jisung walked past the two of them and rattled open the gate on the enclosure, a milk pail clanging at his side. Chan was close behind him.

“You guys alright?” Chan called. Hyunjin pulled his foot off Changbin and turned to face his brother.

“We’re good,” he called. Changbin watched from the ground as Hyunjin tucked his hair behind an ear and shifted his weight to one foot, leaning in and whispering something in his brother’s ear. Chan smiled, one arm sliding around Hyunjin’s waist.

“What about you, boyfriend. How’s the trip?” 

It took Changbin a while to get back to a seated position. He didn’t want to look at Chan right now, so he picked at the grass, which twisted between his fingers like tiny snakes. “It’s fine,” Changbin mumbled.

“Good.”

Changbin felt Hyunjin kiss the top of his head, then his ear. “Chan and I are gonna go hang out for a little bit, okay?”

Changbin wrapped a blade of grass around his fingertip and pulled it until the end of his finger turned hot and purple. “I don't know,” he mumbled, and Hyunjin let out a little whine.

“Please don't be jealous, Changbin. I hate jealous people.” Hyunjin kissed the back of his neck, warm and soft and wet enough to send a little blossom across Changbin’s vision, “I’ll be back for you, I promise. Maybe you and Jisung can get to know each other a little better.”

Changbin didn’t get to respond before Hyunjin’s hand was sliding off his shoulder. He turned just in time to see his boyfriend being escorted off, naked in his brother’s arms.

Changbin was an ant, Hyunjin was a god, and Chan was some kind of horrible beast, dragging him away.

The grass wasn’t dancing anymore, but the goat still had three eyes. Changbin put his face up against the fence and bleated at it. The goat bleated back.

Changbin sighed. Chan had taken his beauty away. Everything was going dark and red around him.

“I hate Chan,” Changbin commented quietly, and it felt like screaming up from the bottom of a well within himself. 

But Jisung heard him anyway. “Who doesn’t?” the younger man scoffed.

Changbin looked up. Jisung was seated on a stool beside another goat structure, a platform with a few wooden boards on one side, clasped in place around the animal’s neck so the goat remained stationary. It ate from a bucket while Jisung milked it, milk splashing into the pail with a pleasant little pinging sound.

“You ever milked a goat?” Jisung called. Changbin shook his head. “Come watch.”

Carefully, like a baby, Changbin got to his feet. The ground seemed to be rippling underneath him, and it was a challenge to keep himself oriented. He kept his hands out at his side a little as he stepped into the enclosure, fastening the gate shut behind him. The chain link fence rang and clinked like a thousand bells. Jisung was milking the goat with a steady rhythm, the little bursts of milk in the pail drawing Changbin in.

“Ellen’s all done,” Jisung explained, releasing the goat from the milking stand and beckoning another one onto the platform with a handful of lettuce. Changbin watched, wild-eyed, as the black and white goat he had focused so intensely on earlier ascended the stand. “So,” Jisung spoke calmly, grabbing a hold of this goat’s udders and squeezing out the first stream of milk, discarding it, “We have two female goats. We milk them twice a day. Once we’re finished up with this one we can go inside and get some water okay?”

“Okay.” Changbin watched the goat munch away on some veggies and little grass pellets. It was trapped, its head locked between two wooden panels, but the goat wasn’t panicked at all. Changbin figured he could learn a lesson from this goat. He felt a connection to it. He watched the goat’s third eye blink as Jisung methodically squeezed at its udders. “Do you think it likes being milked?” Changbin asked.

Jisung laughed. “I’ve never thought that much about it before...Why not, though? I mean,” Jisung shot a spray of milk into the bucket, “It’s like getting your tits massaged while you eat a nice salad or something. Nothing wrong with that.”

Changbin squeezed experimentally at one side of his chest, nodded, and focused again on the goat. He patted the goat’s neck gently, feeling its stiff bristle fur and zoning out, staring at the patterns on its skin. 

“You wanna try?” Jisung asked, pulling Changbin from his trance.

Changbin shrugged and let Jisung guide his hands. Jisung’s fingers were clammy on his, directing Changbin to gently wrap his thumb and forefinger around the teat, and then squeeze the end with his whole hand until the trapped milk rocketed out. It was easier than expected and oddly soothing, the goats bleating at each other all around him while he trapped the milk, then squeezed it out, again and again, breathing. Jisung took hold of one udder while Changbin milked the other, and soon enough the streams ran to a thin trickle, and they were finished.

“Let’s go inside,” Jisung stood, “You need some water.”

So Changbin followed Jisung’s path back to the house. Jisung didn’t look like Hyunjin did, but he belonged here too. His track pants were stained with mud at the bottom and hung low on his hips, like he was still expecting to grow into them. He was wearing a sweatshirt for some old grunge band Changbin had never listened to, the end of the sleeves frayed a little. Hyunjin dressed like someone who laid out on the lawn among the sunflowers and sculptures, but Jisung dressed like someone who worked. He also dressed like he was trying to hide himself.

Inside, there was no dearth of things for Changbin to look at, so he wandered around the kitchen softly humming a song he only half-remembered. The walls in here were a carrot-y kind of orange, bouncing off the copper pots and ringing into Changbin’s brain. The pans and dried herbs hanging around the room seemed to dance all around Changbin, growing and shrinking in size. Changbin watched Jisung make two grilled cheese sandwiches with a rapt and childlike fascination.

“I’m not really hungry,” Changbin commented, watching the cheese run out the sides of the sandwich like lava.

“Of course not, you’re on acid. You should still eat though.” 

Changbin nodded. He still had so many hours of this trip ahead of him and Hyunjin had abandoned him to it. “Why are Chan and Hyunjin like that?” Changbin asked, accepting a warm plate of grilled cheese and a glass of ice water which seemed to float in his hand, “It’s not right.”

“Free love,” Jisung smiled but Changbin was too focused on the glass which seemed to be drifting out of his grasp to notice it. “Truthfully, I don't like it either. Chan’s tried to pull that kind of thing on me too when I was younger but I don't know. Hyunjin just responds to it better I guess.” Jisung shepherded Changbin into a room just off of the kitchen, “We’re a happy family, though. Why do you think it bothers you?”

Changbin didn’t really know how to have a normal conversation about this. He looked around Jisung’s room. The walls were covered in tie-dye tapestries and small canvases. Portraits of his brothers, goats with extra limbs. It was a strange assortment of paintings more impressive for the sheer number of them than any technical skill they demonstrated. Changbin remembered what Hyunjin had told him on the lawn. “I don't know,” he murmured, “Maybe I’m just jealous.”

“It’s okay to be jealous.” Jisung flicked on some old yellow lamps around his room, with beaded lampshades or bases shaped like chickens. One of them winked at Changbin. “Do you want to sit on my bed?” Jisung offered, and Changbin nodded.

He climbed on top of Jisung’s old stained quilt and set his warm plate in his lap, the ice water on a dresser beside him. “Do you think they’re having sex right now?” Changbin asked.

“I don't know. I don't think we should try and find out either... Eat your lunch. I’ll put a nature documentary on and we can color if you want something to do.” Jisung, who was currently rooting through his desk, cast a look over his shoulder at Changbin and smiled, “It’s fun coloring when you’re on acid.”

Eating was an entirely overwhelming and unpleasant experience. The cheese seemed to crawl his tongue like slime, and the bread was too salty somehow. It was all moving oddly in his mouth, his brain trying to tell him that everything was alive and exciting. Everything was too much. He tried to focus on the sea turtles on screen, but the sound of his own chewing was too loud for him to pay attention. The walls were sweating. His tongue was melting. The world was dripping away all around him and Changbin was afraid of what would be left once the facade all melted away. He felt there was some dark truth behind everything. Behind each wall, a tongue. A mouth behind the tapestries, with more teeth than he could count.

Changbin set the plate aside and pulled his knees up to his chest and watched the sea turtles on screen sprout limbs, then globs like budding yeast. Scaly and wet and bubbling up out of the screen. Changbin wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. Sea turtle limbs clumped up and piled out of the tv, spreading across the wall, covering the world in these thick green blobs. It was disgusting. The world was fucking disgusting.

“Changbin,” Jisung called, but Changbin could barely hear him. He heard the turtle slime spreading. He heard it burp and hiss. 

Jisung touched his thigh. “Changbin.”

He felt two clammy hands on his cheeks, turning him away from the screen and towards the wall with tie dye fabric and a window looking out on the lawn. Silhouetted in it, Jisung, who pulled Changbin into a kiss.

“The world is sick,” Changbin whimpered when Jisung’s lips left his.

“I know, but you’re so beautiful.” Jisung kissed him again, “You’re doing so good,” and again, “Can I take care of you?”

Changbin didn’t know what to say. Jisung flooded his senses, kissing him. “Close your eyes baby,” Jisung murmured against his lips, “Pretend I’m Hyunjin.” Jisung kissed his neck, ran two hands up his chest, “We love you so much.”

With his eyes closed, Changbin didn’t worry so much about the world melting anymore. The world was already gone, replaced by dancing colors and Jisung’s lips. Jisung kissed his stomach and his hips, unzipping his jeans and sliding them slowly, smoothly, off his legs. When Jisung touched his cock, he thought about Hyunjin. He thought about Hyunjin’s smell, and soon enough that jarring floral scent was flooding his nostrils as Jisung’s crooked tooth pressed into his thigh.

Jisung’s thin lips weren’t Hyunjin’s, but they still felt nice around his cock. Jisung bobbing easily, track pants rustling. Jisung took Changbin deep into his throat and Changbin melted into the bed. He sucked on Changbin’s balls and warm reds swept over Changbin’s body. His thighs tense. He pushed his hips up into Jisung’s mouth. For a moment, Changbin was thoughtless and euphoric. Just a body.

“You taste so good,” Jisung murmured, his shaky hands running up Changbin’s thighs, “I’m so happy Hyunjin brought you home to us.”

Changbin wondered at the idea of home and never settled on a definition, adrift in muted colors. He didn’t know why he felt safe right now, but when Jisung spoke, he was easy to believe.

“I love you, Changbin,” Jisung climbed on top and let Changbin’s cock slide into his hole, pushing his hips back. Instinctively, Changbin slid in deeper and sighed. “You’re so fucking perfect,” Jisung murmured in his ear, so close Changbin felt his breath, Jisung’s hands trembling on his shoulders, “Will you fuck me like you fuck Hyunjin?”

Changbin groaned and melted and took hold of Jisung’s little hips, thrusting up into him harshly. Jisung’s bed was a warm embrace and when Changbin picked up his speed, fucking Jisung harder, making him squeal, the bedsprings rocking sounded like the singing of birds.

After, Changbin lay in a puddle of sweat and watched cartoon porn appear and disappear on Jisungs ceiling. He had to pee. Beside him, Jisung had started coloring. A blue crayon had made its way into Changbin’s hand too. He dropped it on the floor and stood, naked.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Through the kitchen,” Jisung didn’t look up from his coloring, “Down the hall. On the left.”

By this point, Changbin was almost certain he was in a dream. The world had already melted, and there was nothing dark behind it that hadn’t melted too. It was all one big, sticky puddle.

Changbin waded through it and found his way to the bathroom.

The roughly 3% of his brain that was still working rationally told him not to look in the mirror, so Changbin avoided it. He sat on the toilet and watched the tiles multiplying on the bathroom floor. Pissing had never felt so satisfying before, or so exhausting.

Slowly, the door creaked open. Changbin looked up.

It was his god.

Hyunjin smiled, combed some fingers through his tangled golden hair. “Hi,” he said, and his voice was the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Hi. I’m peeing.”

Hyunjin laughed with his beautiful thousand-tooth smile. He was covered in bruises now, his hair tangled and face all flushed and glowing. “I can see that.” Hyunjin was always glowing.

“I fucked your brother,” Changbin said.

“Good.” Hyunjin walked to the sink and washed his hands in it, splashed some water on his face, “I was kind of hoping you would.” Changbin noticed Hyunjin didn’t look in the mirror either.

“Did you fuck your brother too?” Changbin stood slowly. 

Hyunjin joined Changbin at the toilet before he could flush, taking his flaccid dick in one hand and letting his piss mix with Changbin’s own. “Yeah, I did.” Hyunjin was standing close, so Changbin brushed his fingers through the other’s hair. Hyunjin’s eyelids fluttered. He smiled.

“This is exhausting.” Changbin didn’t know why his voice was getting so high and quiet. Hyunjin just nodded.

“I know.” He turned and looked at Changbin. They didn’t kiss, but instead stared right at each other’s eyes. They knew they were both seeing the same mess. “Do you want to go take a nap together?” When Hyunjin’s hand found Changbin’s cheek, Changbin had the sense that he was being touched by a god.

The two boys went through Hyunjin’s room, pulling blankets and pillows off the bed and dragging them out onto the lawn. The grass had dried now, and it was warmer, but Changbin and Hyunjin didn’t care. They were still naked, and they wanted to be swaddled up together. They laughed again on the journey, talking about how the yard seemed to roll and shift like some colorful ocean, seeing something mystical in the moving of the sky.

In a nest of blankets, Hyunjin and Changbin held each other and murmured quiet conversations under the sun. They talked about everything. They talked about God. Changbin was mired in a puddle of the world and Hyunjin’s love beamed up at him from the bottom of the swamp, a little glowing heart. Changbin wanted to hold onto it until his hands melted away around its heat.

“You did good Changbin,” Hyunjin’s fingertips ran over Changbin’s back, “You did so good. They loved you.”

They slept out in the yard, minds buzzing with colorful dreams. Floating in the swamp.

By the time they woke up, Changbin’s tires were slashed. Something heavy had been taken to the windows and the hood, but Changbin wouldn’t notice any of this yet.

The sun was just beginning to set, streaking the sky with oranges and purples as the world started slowly to gel back into place. Changbin was aware again that he and Hyunjin were naked. He grabbed his boyfriend’s hips and pulled him closer. “The sunset’s pretty tonight,” Changbin commented.

“You like it?” Hyunjin responded, as if he had made the world. And maybe he had.

Changbin smelled his floral hair, then nodded. “Yes. I like it very much.”

Changbin learned that dinners at Hyunjin’s household weren’t like breakfasts. His parents worked late, so the boys figured out something for themselves. Tonight, it was a heaping pile of Pizza Rolls they set out on a platter at the center of their blanket nest. Plus a handle of vodka, a bottle of Seven-Up, and an enormous bong.

Changbin and Hyunjin each took a few hits first, chasing an appetite and trying to escort themselves smoothly through the end of the trip. At least, that’s how Jisung framed it for them, and it seemed to work. The pizza rolls were delicious. They burned Changbin’s mouth a little, but they were salty and greasy and delicious. They made Changbin happy, as strange as that seemed right now.

Hyunjin was sitting across from Changbin, so Changbin could look at him as much as he liked. And Changbin looked. Even when Jisung’s hand found its way to his knee and Chan wrapped an arm around Hyunjin’s waist, Changbin looked, and he was certain that he and Hyunjin only had eyes on each other.

“Truth or dare,” Chan grunted at one point, after chasing a shot of vodka with some Seven-Up straight from the bottle. He kissed Hyunjin’s neck, making Hyunjin blush and giggle. It wasn’t clear who the question was directed at, and for a moment there was only the sound of crickets and water bubbling in Jisung’s bong.

Finally, Jisung spoke up, “Dare.” A cloud of smoke wafted from his lips on the words.

“I dare you to take your shirt off.”

Changbin realized he hadn’t seen Jisung without a sweatshirt on yet, so he watched as the man he had just fucked earlier that day rolled his eyes, then pulled his shirt off over his head. It was hard to make out in the dark, but it was clear Jisung’s torso was pitted with scars. There were little round ones on his chest and stomach, like someone had put a cigarette out on him, plus haphazard scrapes all over. Changbin wondered where they came from. He wondered why Jisung’s hands were always shaking, or why Hyunjin looked pointedly away from his bare torso.

Jisung took a swig of vodka, burped, and handed the bottle to Changbin. “Truth or dare?” he asked, his eyes piercing into Changbin’s.

“Dare.”

Jisung smiled, “I dare you to get on the milking stand.”

Immediately, Chan let out a celebratory holler, clapping his hand on Jisung’s shoulder and making him flinch, and then smile. 

Changbin stole a gulp of vodka before rising to his feet. He was in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, no longer as excited about nudity now that the world had stopped dancing all around him. Changbin stumbled a little, the grass damp under his feet as he toddled towards the goat enclosure. All the animals were sleeping in their little shed, and the milking stand stood empty. Changbin struggled with the gate momentarily, then swung it open with a squeak.

He was acutely aware of the three men following close behind him.

Changbin couldn’t avoid the mud once he entered the enclosure. He felt his soles becoming coated with much as he made his way to the stand. “Come on,” Chan prodded, encouraging Changbin to climb onto it and get down on his hands and knees.

“Put your head through the bars,” Hyunjin ordered, sliding in front of him. Hyunjin hovered by the goats’ feeding bucket, tempting Changbin to slip his head between the panels at the front of the stand. Jisung slid the bar into place above him and locked it in place so Changbin was trapped. 

“Bleat for us,” Hyunjin said through a smile. He was just barely out of reach. Changbin didn’t take his eyes off his boyfriend, choosing to watch how Hyunjin’s grin widened when he let out a sad little bleat. Chan let out an ugly little snort of a laugh, and Hyunjin took Changbin’s chin in his hand, pouring a little more vodka into his boyfriend's mouth. “Your turn,” Hyunjin murmured.

Changbin swallowed, “Truth or dare, Hyunjin?” His knees hurt.

“Dare.”

“Please kiss me.” 

Hyunjin laughed. He ran his fingers through Changbin’s hair and leaned in, pulling him into a gentle kiss as Chan booed in the background, and then Jisung. Changbin didn’t care. He sucked on Hyunjin’s plump bottom lip, let himself take in Hyunjin’s sweet breath, and he wanted the moment to last forever. He didn’t even care that his hands and feet were dirty, he wanted to be kissing Hyunjin forever. He nearly whimpered when they pulled apart.

Hyunjin kept his hands tucked around the back of Changbins head, pulling back and looking away from his boyfriend for a moment. “Hey Chan,” he called, “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Changbin couldn’t get Hyunjin’s eyes anymore.

“Why don't you breed our new goat?”

Changbin’s eyes widened. He pulled back, and would have banged his head against the wooden beam holding him in place if Hyunjin wasn’t cushioning the blow. He wanted to speak, to argue, but he didn’t even know what to say. He couldn’t make his mouth form the words. 

Hyunjin poured more vodka in Changbin’s mouth as he felt two hands on his waist, curling into his underwear and pulling it down around his knees. Heavy breath and hands on his ass, then Chan’s spit. Changbin closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. He let Chan push his back into an arch, rubbing his cock against Changbin’s ass. 

Changbin wanted to puke.

“You’re doing so good,” Hyunjin whispered, lips to his ears, littering Changbin’s face with kisses as he watched his older brother force his way inside with a disgusting groan. Changbin opened his eyes, a tear at the edge of his lashes, and tried to focus on Hyunjin. His god. Hyunjin’s cool hand on his cheek. Hyunjin pouring vodka in his mouth.

“Jisung,” Chan grunted, pulling out momentarily to grind against Changbin’s ass, “Truth or dare.”

Jisung’s voice was quiet. Changbin wasn’t looking at him, but he could hear his hands rattling on the gate. “Truth.”

Chan forced himself inside Changbin again, still speaking to Jisung, “Tell our new goat how you got all those scars.”

Hyunjin’s smile fell. He swallowed and looked at the ground and there was one long silence, interrupted only by Chan’s incessant breaths and the creaking stand.

“Fuck you.” Jisung turned and retreated to the house, slamming the gate behind him.

Hyunjin took another swig of vodka and rolled his eyes.

Changbin stared off over his shoulder. From the milking stand, he couldn’t get a very good view of the estate. Just a gentle decline and, at the bottom of it, the dark square of the barn. It towered over him. Changbin wondered what was inside. Changbin counted boards and clumps of moss along the bottom, anything to keep his mind off Chan’s grunting and heavy, wandering hands.

“Your turn again Changbin,” Hyunjin ran cool finger’s through Changbin’s hair, “Ask someone.”

Changbin didn’t want to speak. He was crying. 

“Truth or dare?” he managed to whimper eventually. 

Hyunjin smiled, “Truth.” He kissed Changbin again.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Hyunjin laughed and kissed Changbin’s cheek, one thumb wiping drool from Changbin’s chin in one smooth motion. “Truth or dare?” he whispered against Changbin’s skin.

Changbin didn’t want any more dares. 

“Truth.”

“Would you leave everything behind for me?”

Changbin wondered when he would ever be sober again.

“...Yes.”

Chan laughed and slapped Changbin’s thigh, watching him flinch.

Later, the brothers dragged Changbin’s car out behind the barn.

Later, Changbin “wasn’t meant for college.”

Later, Changbin chased Hyunjin through the woods, pinned him against a tree, and fucked him.

Later, Changbin learned to look away when Chan touched him and think about Hyunjin’s hands.

Later, Jisung took his shirt off while they were in bed together and gave Changbin this sort of empty expectant look. They were surrounded by crayons and coloring books. Jisung crawled into his lap, eyes bright red from smoking, and held Changbin’s face in both his hands. He combed his fingers through Changbin’s hair and compared one of his little purple scars to the new one on Changbin’s stomach. “I’m sorry,” Jisung whispered, clutching Changbin’s head to his chest, “I’m sorry we did this to you.” 

Changbin didn’t know what to say.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: [BigBoyEels](https://twitter.com/BigBoyEels)  
> CuriousCat:[BigBoyEels](https://curiouscat.qa/BigBoyEels)
> 
> I'm friendly, say hello!


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